1. The problem with political jokes is they get elected.  ~Henry Cate, VII

2. He didn’t say that.  He was reading what was given to him in a speech.  ~Richard Darman, director of the Office of Management and Budget, explaining why President Bush wasn’t following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands

3. Mankind will never see an end of trouble until… lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power… become lovers of wisdom.  ~Plato, The Republic

4. Politicians say they’re beefing up our economy.  Most don’t know beef from pork.  ~Harold Lowman

5. The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.  ~Will Rogers

6. Members of Congress should be compelled to wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.  ~Caroline Baum

7. There are far too many men in politics and not enough elsewhere.  ~Hermione Gingold

8. I like the smell of a dunged field, and the tumult of a popular election.  ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

9. If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.  ~Jay Leno

10. Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party.  ~Winston Churchill

11. If God had been a Liberal there wouldn’t have been Ten Commandments, there would have been Ten Suggestions.  ~Malcolm Bradbury, After Dinner Game, 1982

12. There are only two great currents in the history of mankind:  the baseness which makes conservatives and the envy which makes revolutionaries.  ~Edmond de Goncourt and Jules de Goncourt

13. All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.  ~Groucho Marx

14. The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.  They’re the kind of people who’d stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire.  I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy.  The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn’t bother to stop because they’d want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.  ~Dave Barry

15. In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.  ~H.L. Mencken